Oprah and Fatherless Sons, Peeples, Shrinking Financial Aid Packages

I randomly caught Oprah's Life Class special on Fatherless Sons last Sunday and it stayed on my mind for the next three days.  The impact that not having a father present during thier youth had on grown men with their own kids had me riveted to the screen.  I felt for the dudes who admitted that they had trouble loving and getting close to others because of the trust issues they developed after being abandoned by their fathers.  I was eating up everything Oprah and life coach Iyanla Vanzant had to say until one of the audience members was overcome with emotion as he told his story and received a hug from Roland Warren of the National Fatherhood Initiative.  I was moved to post this tweet in the immediate aftermath:

I took issue with Iyanla calling this emotional moment between two men "male mothering" because it plants the seed that to be nurturing and affectionate is inextricably tied to being feminine.  If this is the message that I pass on to my sons, than I am setting them up to struggle in relationships throughout their life.  One of the benefits of a two parent household is that a child can see that men and women are capable of the full range of emotions.  That is what makes us human.  It is not solely one parent's job to be the "hammer" while the other is the "comforter".  When a child grows up understanding that it is okay to experience and express the full emotional spectrum, they are much better equipped to deal with life's ups and downs.  I wish there would've been somebody on the panel to push Iyanla and Oprah in that moment because it was a key "teachable moment.

 

On Another Note:

 

Black people get another opportunity this weekend to demonstrate whether or not they will support films featuring predominantly black casts in a way that will make Hollywood studios take notice.  Peeples starring Kerry Washington, Craig Robinson and David Alan Grier, debuts today and was written and directed by Tina Gordon Chism.  The film was produced by Tyler Perry's 34th St. Films (shout out Amber Rasberry), which exists to produce projects not written by TP.  There is always chatter particularly where Tyler Perry is involved that the spectrum of stories that gets told featuring actors of color needs to broaden, that Perry's films appeal to the "lowest common denominator".  Here we have something different.  Gordon Chism has a history of making box office winners with ATL (2006) and Drumline (2002) on her resume.   Both opened in the top three their opening weekend.  Between that credibility, Perry's following, and starring one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood in Washington, that should be a recipe for a hit, but we shall see.  I hope that it is not a scenario where Perry putting his name on the project actually works against him.  I'd prefer to see TP's involvement work out like it did for Precious ($11M first weekend of wide release).  Peeples is opening in three times as many theatres as Precious so that should not be a problem.  I'm putting my money where my mouth is and will have my gummi bears and soda next to me for a 1p showing.  Gotta support my Peeples.

 

Final Note

I wrote recently about the increasing privatization of public schooling and how it makes it so those without means have no viable vehicle out of poverty to better themselves.  That argument was further reinforced for me this week as I read that a study conducted by the New America Foundation concluded that low income students are getting less merit-based finanical aid than students from wealthier families. The study noted that in an effort to keep their US News & World Report rankings up colleges will offer multiple small aid packages to families who can afford more of the tuition versus one big aid package to the family who can afford less.  The rules of the game keep changing and it's a sad state of affairs.  Looks like Team Carroll needs to start doubling down on our college fund investments.  Full article

Happy Mother's Day to all. 

Mr. Cee Wishes He Had What Jason Collins Has

Last Monday Jason Collins went from being a journeyman NBA center at the tail end of his career to a media darling, and a hero depending on who you ask.  His announcemnt that he is gay put a face on the "active gay athlete" and garnered him praise and salutations from peers in the NBA all the way up to Presidents Clinton and Obama.  To me the announcement was ironic because a month ago, I met the original gay NBA trailblazer, John Amaechi, who confirmed his homosexuality shortly after retiring.  In attendance at the talk that Dr. Amaechi gave at Harvard Westlake was Jaron Collins (pictured right with Dr. Amaechi making me look short), one of HWs proudest alums, twin brother of Jason, and former teammate of Amaechi.  I came to find out last week that part of Jarron's reason for catching up with his old teammate was to put him in contact with his brother, who he knew was thinking about coming out.  As the media circus unfolded last week, I couldn't help but think how lucky the NBA is to have Jason Collins be that "first".  He's not someone who's had trouble of any kind during his career.  To a man, those who have played with him over the last decade have had positive things to say.  Knowing Mr. and Mrs Collins, I felt that Jason wouldn't face the type of questioning that others would because of the "Huxtable-like" family he comes from.  As this week has unfolded, I'm sure Hot 97 Mister Cee wishes he had such a support system.

The famous NY deejay, noted for his relationship with the Notorious B.I.G (RIP) was arrested this week for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a male prostitute, his third such arrest.  While he instantly become a popular hashtag topic and rival radio personalities like Power 105's Charlamagne tha God called for him to "come out" the DJ continued to identify as heterosexual.  Much of the discussion around whether or not a homosexual athlete could confirm their sexual orientation and therefore affirm their full identity centered around the response that would come from the lockerroom.  The lockerroom, in these discussions is characterized as the "chapel of true manhood"  and Chris Culliver of the 49ers confirmed that line of thinking during Super Bowl week when he spoke about not wanting "that sweet stuff" around him.  While ex-NBA player Larry Johnson has been one of the few voices to echo Culliver's sentiment of being uncomfortable, many in the NBA, such as Kobe Bryant and Metta World Peace expressed support and noted that a players sexuality meant little to the ultimate goal of getting buckets and winning.  The response of the hip-hop community has been far less welcomng, and it is no wonder that even if Mister Cee is homosexual, that he would feel the community where he makes his money would accept him.

In his 3:00 "Donkey of the Day" Charlamagne calls for Mister Cee to "live his truth", but also calls him "sis", "boo", and a "serial purchaser of penis"for all of NY to hear.  Can we really be surprised that while Charlamagne was ranting, Mister Cee was defending himself on Hot 97 spinning a tale of how the police are out to get him?  You can tell me all you want that the hip-hop world is ready to except homosexual figures like Frank Ocean.  I think the evidence proves otherwise.  So while Jason Collins can come out in a league where it is now bad for the bottom line to be a homophobe, bolstered by the cache of where he went to school and the people he knows, not to mention the cocoon of a loving family and millions in career earnings, Mister Cee will be material for memes, tweets and hip-hop lyrics for years to come.  Damn shame because no matter a person's orientation, they should be able to feel fully human.  Unfortunately, being a mainstream male rapper still means having to sport an ultra-masculine persona.  Success and prowess in hip-hop is gained by "battling" aka "manning up".  Being a homosexual does not fit that archetype.

On Another Note

Lil' Wayne lost his deal with Pepsi over lyrics in a song where he invoked the name of Emmit Till in a manner that the Till family didn't find to respectful.  This comes on the heels of Rick Ross losing his Reebok deal over lyrics deemed to be cosigning rape.  I hope rappers in particular and entertainers in general are starting to understand that they can have all the freedom of speech they want, but it will affect their pockets at some point.  I don't agree with what Pepsi did because I could write a paper on damaging Lil Wayne lyrics before this one set the Till family off, but I do understand the rules of the corporate game.  So rappers have a choice to make:  bring the lyrics within the boundaries of what big companies are willing to throw money behind or take full advantage of freedom of speech and unapologetically tell the stories you want?  The answer will show how truly street smart some of these cats are.

Public Education is Dead, But The Human Spirit Isn't

It has been a constant bother to see how public education across the country, and particularly in my hometown of Philadelphia, has crumbled like the ancient ruins in Rome.  School closures have been combined with the Charter movement to make it increasingly difficult for poor students to use education as a ladder out of poverty as so many have done in decades past.  What makes the school closures especially painful in these large metropoli is that the majority of students who are effected are students of color.  It signals that those in power care little for those who need the most assistance to make a way in the world.  I was lucky enough to be able to attend private school for my elementary and middle school years, but had I not gone to a public high school, my college path, and that of my siblings would have been totally different.  I shudder to think about students in my West Philly neighborhood who now face the closure of their neighborhood middle school and are not being funneled into a suitable alternative as is often advertised. 

These closures signal that public education has truly hit rock bottom, and is effectively brain dead.  For years now, the best public school districts in the country have been those that draw off a tax base that could afford supporting students in the ways necessary to be competitive college matriculants. However, with the continued siphoning of resources away from public education, even those communities must dig into their pockets on top of what they pay in local taxes to insure that their children receive the most basic education essentials, effectively creating a community sponsored private education.  For those communities that can't afford to draw upon their consituents directly, they are left to suscribe to programs like the President's Race to the Top initiative, which rewards schools for test scores achieved Malcolm X style (by any means necessary).  It is no surprise that test fraud cases have popped up in major cities such as Atlanta, Washington D.C, and yes my beloved Philadelphia. 

So what are poor families supposed to do so that they are not left completely behind?  I've got three suggestions:

1.  Non-profit organizations - Yes they still exist and they offer all kinds of programming meant to help keep kids out of trouble.

2.  Houses of Worship - At their core, churches, mosques, synagogues, etc are meant to serve the people and do so with various programs beyond their days of worship.  In the age of "mega-size" congregations, these places are often well-resourced to offer needed community activities

3.  Community Centers - Most cities still manage to keep a Dept of Recreation operating which means that there is a neighborhood community center that can keep kids occupied when they're not at school.

It is truly a shame that education, a tool that was once used to indoctrinate all citizens in this country, is increasingly becoming a privilege to be enjoyed only by the socially savvy.  Gone are the days where the neighborhood school house is a place to be enjoyed by all for the benefit of all.  In order to advance in society now a basic education is not enough so those who have the least must become increasingly street smart about hustling the education game and hopefully decide not to simply hustle in the streets.  That is the decision the board of Corrections Corp of America would like to see youth continue to make because they've got plenty of beds waiting.

On Another Note:  I randomly received a book on grieving in the wake of Justin E. Carr's passing.  I was touched to see that someone I do not know was moved to make such a gesture.  There is something to be said about how people rally around one another in the aftermath of tragedy.

Lessons from 42

I saw 42 last weekend with the Mrs and was very happy to hear that over the first weekend, it was the highest grossing baseball movie ever.  I liked the way the movie was done because it gave you enough to have a conversation about what you were seeing and it elicited an emotional response about what went on during that time.  It got me to thinking about how I might teach this movie if I were still in the classroom.  Here are a couple of the things that stuck out for me.

1.  The Amount of Accomplishment it Took to Break Through White Privilege

Jackie Robinson was selected by Branch Rickey to break the color barrier in baseball from among many accomplished Black ball players in the Negro Leagues.  It wasn't just about his prowess as a baseball player that made him the best candidate to be the "chosen one" but he had to be an all-around great human.  He couldn't be a criminal, a cheat, or a deadbeat husband, but instead, he had to be a patriot, a Christian, an activist, and a devoted husband and father.  The dichotomy between Jackie's resume and that of his white counterparts is a powerful symbol of privilege in this country. Valuable conversation can be had about the nature of privilege in this country and how it works.  Jackie Robinson's accolades off the field also provide a blueprint for what is possible today for young student athletes who face some of the same challenges of access and privilege that Mr. Robinson encountered.

2.  Ethnic Identity Discovery

Often the burden of figuring out one's identity is left to the "person of color" because they are the "other" whose existence lies outside the mainstream. In 42 you get to see how white players had to do their own searching to figure out their identities in the face of watching Mr. Robinson fight to maintain not only his identity as a baseball player and a Black man, but as a human.  Pee Wee Reese in particular is shown to progress from being someone reticent to deal with race issues to deciding that he cannot stand by and let a man be treated like an animal.

3.  Interest Convergence

While Branch Rickey may have had some sympathy for the plight of Black players given his past and his Christian beliefs, his fiscal legacy also stood to gain by being the first owner to bring Black players into the Major Leagues.  No major institution changes drastically without the gatekeepers recognizing that there is benefit in them giving a little.  On top of the financial bump at the gate from additional patrons, Rickey's Dodgers also would be the first to tap into a talented well of ball players by bringing in Negro League stars (at a cheaper price).  The more we can understand interest convergence at an early age, the more prepared young people are to make real change.  The case for some of our most pressing social issues today (gun control, immigration reform) won't get solved without the narrative being spun so that both sides feel like they got a win.

On another note:  Good luck to Kobe Bryant as he rehabs his torn achilles.  Keep praying not only for Boston, but the world.  We rise to violence way too quickly these days.

Class Notes 4/8 - Notes for a Blue Chipper

As I become older and balder, the excitement that comes with the end of the college basketball season is now dulled because the minute "One Shining Moment" ends (RIP Luther), the talk turns not to how good teams will be next year with many of their players returning, it is instead centered around which underclass players will leverage their seasons into becoming NBA draft picks.    What makes me particularly crotchety is that while I can't knock many of these cats for getting their hustle on and realizing dreams of becoming professional basketball players, I know that the great majority who enter into the draft are not receiving sound evaluations and ultimately end up playing in some D-league arena or overseas as opposed to Staples Center, Madison Square Garden or the Barclays Center. 

As it is becoming clear that I may face this situation a little more than a decade from now when I'm looking up at my "Lil" Man (he's already near my shoulder at 6yrs), I've decided to practice laying out just how I would discuss the options so that my potential baller (his range on the backyard hoop is getting deeper) could make an informed choice.  Maybe these notes will end up in the hands of some current baller mulling over whether or not he's ready.

IF BEING IN THE LOTTERY IS ASSURED:  Son, you did it!  I'm so proud.  You have worked your ass off to get to this moment, and I'm so happy to see that it has paid off for you.  HOWEVER, there are some things that you need to keep clear if you are really going to maximize the blessing that you are about to receive.  You know how we've been waking up at 5a to be in the gym at 6a, and then going back to the gym at 4p since you started HS?  That can't change.  You're about to be playing with MEN son, and there's so much more development that needs to happen so that you are not just a lottery pick, but an eventual all-star.  You now have to make decisions that you have never been faced with before, and will require YOU to do your research and be able to read people.  Your mother and I will be here for you every step of the way, so don't hesitate to ask when you have questions.  Just know that you're about to enter the grown up world, where the repercussions of your mistakes are much higher.  This is also a good reason for you to keep taking classes toward your degree in the off-season while you're training.  Finishing your degree will make the transition into your second career much more seamless and give you the kind of social capital that enables you to partner with those who will make sure your ball money has longevity.  If you keep the discipline you've had thus far, you'll be fine.
Ballers in this draft I'd use this script on:  Nerlens Noel (pictured), Otto Porter, Victor Oladipo

IF PROJECTED TO BE TAKEN IN THE FIRST ROUND:  Son, what a season.  You've got the scouts talking and that's good, but I'm concerned about your evaluations coming back from NBA people.  They point out some of the same things as your coach in terms of being ready to contribute  in the League, and isn't that what you want.  Does Marquise Teague look happy to you sitting on that bench in Chicago?  How do you think Tyler Lamb feels playing the majority of the time for the Tulsa 66ers instead of the OKC Thunder?  If you stay in school for another year, that's another year for you to shine on a Top team with national TV exposure so that you are ready to contribute when you get to the league.  I know you want to get paid, but your mother and I have you covered.  Don't spit on that scholarship you're on either.  It's worth something, and will become even more important when you're playing career is over.  You want to coach in college?  You'll need a degree.  You want to build your own empire?  A degree will help you not have to depend on someone else to figure it out.  I just don't want you to rush this move, because if you jump too early and end up in a place that's not going to develop you, then you're stuck, and when you're not on the court, you can be forgotten quickly.
Ballers in this draft I'd use this script on:  Glen Robinson, III (pictured), Shabazz Muhammad, Anthony Bennett, Ben McLamore, Gary Harris
 

NOT PROJECTED TO BE TAKEN IN FIRST ROUND:  Son, help me understand why you want to leave so bad.  Where are you hearing that you're going to be taken in the first round?  You know when it comes to leaving early, being taken in the first round is important because being taken in the second round gives you no guarantee of being on the Opening Day roster.  There are no agents calling son, your college coach didn't get a favorable response from his sources, so tell me what's really going on so I can ride with you.  If you don't want to be in school anymore, cool, but lets plan for what happens should you not get drafted.  And what are going to do if you drop out of school until the draft?  What's the plan?  You've invested too much time into this to take this big of a risk when you still have the opportunity to develop at school for free.  Yes, I know you see the carrot of a big contract right in front of you, but you've done fine to this point, and why not take a little more time to make sure that you are going to get a guaranteed contract?  The decision is ultimately yours son because it's your life, just make sure you've got a plan.
Ballers in this draft I'd use this script on:  James Michael McAdoo, Gorgui Dieng (pictured), Shane Larkin, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope

Ultimately my Lil Man will have to make his own decision should he go down the athletic path that the aforementioned athletes are travelling.  It is a road that can provide life-changing rewards, but only to the few, and if you're unfortunately not one of the "chosen ones" then there is a whole life that you have to live off the court.  I worry that too many young men put all their eggs in the athletic basket, and then when it doesn't work out, they don't have options.  There's got to be a better way to play the "game" than that, and that is what I would hope my son would take away from our conversation.

Class Notes 4/1 - Kevin Ware, Rick Ross

I came home from my Easter Sunday brunch all set to watch what was shaping up to be a great game between Louisville and Duke to see who would travel to Hotlanta for the Final Four.  When Greg Gumbel started going over the first half highlights and made mention of the horrific injury suffered by Kevin Ware, I immediately hopped on social media to see what he was talking about because I knew somebody would post the footage.  Sure enough I got to see the most horrific in-game injury I have ever seen.  It trumped McGahee, Theismann, and Lattimore and has started a discussion, with notable input from Chris Rock about how NCAA players are "slaves" because when something like this happens, they have no recourse, and universities continue to stack millions on the backs of unpaid "employees".  If you want numbers, check out Chris Hayes' article.  I am firmly in the camp that college athletes in revenue generating sports need to have some process afforded them where they are able to access some of the profits that they help generate for their universities and other licensees.  When I was in school in the late 90s, the Fab Five was a unit all to themselves that far outpaced the brand recognition of the University of Michigan.  They probably meant as much to Nike marketing at that time as Jordan, Barkley, and Robinson, and they did it for FREE. 

All that said, I think the greater lesson is that this is not new.  Athletes and their families make a choice about how they want to develop with their eyes wide open.  The slavery metaphor is weak because of these choices, and it's not as if the education that student-athletes are offered is worth nothing.  Blue-chippers take a calculated gamble to go and play for these schools, with the hope that they get enough exposure that they can "cash in" with a pro contract which in effect launches them into being their own brand.  It is a deal with the devil, but is not chattel slavery, and the lesson is that the support networks of the high profile athletes need to step their game up and really figure out what is the best gamble to take.  As an educator, born to educators, it frustrates me that so little weight is given to the idea of actually leveraging atheletic talent to eventually gain a degree which is a valuable piece of social capital in our economy.  If college just simply isn't your deal, then take the gamble that Brandon Jennings and Jeremy Tyler did and go be a professional overseas until you can make it in to the League.  Kevin Ware will be taken care of because of the high-profile nature of his injury, and he will have an opportunity to potentially come back to the court and finish his degree, which he will need if he does not show enough skill to potentially be drafted.  His story should be yet another cautionary tale of just how tenuous it is to put all your future hopes and dreams in the athletic basket.  There are smarter ways to make that gamble so you can come out a winner in the end.  This is certainly the message I'll be teaching mine as they grow and continue to be interested in sports.

Speaking of things I'll be teaching my sons, it's been interesting to watch the coverage and fallout around Rick Ross' lyrics in the song U.O.E.N.O  where he rhymes about slipping "Molly" in a girls drink and then taking her home and "enjoying that".  Not a good look for the "BOSS" as rape culture and its perpetuation is hot on people's minds in the aftermath of the Steubenville, OH case among others.  What's interesting is that this isn't even the most egregious example of suggested rape in hip-hop, yet this is the one that gets everybody up in arms?  What person who grew up listening to BBD as I did doesn't remember this lyric:

"Backstage, under age, Adolescent, how ya doin'?

“Fine,” she replied,

I sighed“I like to do the wild thing”

Action took place

Kinda wet, don't forget

The J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, y'all I need a body bag

What keeps a young man from turning this lyric into reality?  Or a young girl internalizing this as normal behavior? Or understanding that it's not a nonfiction account in the first place?  Home training, and it's my job to make sure my boys know the difference between what's made up to be consumed as "entertainment" and what's real.  So if we're going to be "outraged" by Rick Ross, let's be outraged by the whole persona that he presents of being a gangsta/pimp, and what it could mean for our children, not just one lyric.  Or, we take the time to have conversations with our kids about what they're hearing so that they can be knowledgable consumers.  I think its more productive to frame how we have those conversations with impressionable minds who listen to and are fans of Rick Ross than to have "selective outrage" over lyrics that suggest destructive behavior.

 

 

Class Notes - Therapy

When I went into my account to start this blog, I found that the last post I started was over a month ago.  It was the day after Justin Carr's life tragically ended, and I was grasping at all forms of normalcy to try and deal.  As I sat at the computer that day, everything just started to spill out.  All the details of the twenty minutes from when I was joking with Justin until he was whisked away in an ambulance.  As my wife sat with me making sure I didn't have a complete breakdown, she cautioned me that maybe I should give it some time.  Perhaps reliving it wasn't what I needed in that moment.  She was right.... as usual.  What I needed, and have needed in the weeks since, was my family and friends to keep touching base because when my mind was left to idle, my mental DVR would start replaying the afternoon of February 22nd between 3:40p to 9:30p.  I'd see Justin's face, and that of his parents when I greeted them at the hospital.  I'd see the faces of shock that his teammates and classmates wore as they sat in the hospital grieving.  I'd hear my boss deliver the news that he didn't make it.  The only things that seemed to stop the playback and allow me to keep moving were the texts, emails, and words of encouragment I received from my colleagues, family, and friends.  The laughter and innocence of my boys was invaluable as was the reassurement from those who had been through similar situations that it was okay, in fact necessary to keep living.  Needless to say, forming opinions about politics, sports, and entertainment were the last things on my mind.

Slowly, I have been able to get back to a sense of normalcy, and that has mainly been due to the recognition that I have to play my part in keeping Justin's legacy alive.  He packed so much activity into a sixteen year life.  From the way I coach to the way I raise my boys, everything will be infused with the memory of what Justin was striving to do in his life, and the impact he had on those he touched.  He figured out how to be comfortable in his own skin given that his interests didn't fit the "profile" for a young black man.  That's a powerful lesson for any family.  He also pursued his interests relentlessly, which I will continue to carry with me.  I've found that focusing on these lessons keeps the DVR playback at bay.  The images like the one pictured and the video below help my brain focus on something else, and I will continue to need that for the foreseeable future.