When Daycare Becomes A Nightmare

They say that educated parents have the social cache to make sure that their kids don't get caught up in the BS that keeps some children from navigating school successfully. That maybe so, but it doesn't mean you don't have to do your due diligence to avoid said BS. Given the recent deterioration of our respect for Lil Man's daycare, here's five clear signs that it's time to yank your child from a bad situation.

5. TEACHER LOOKS AS IF SHE MIGHT WET HERSELF THE FIRST TIME SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH A PROBLEM.
If you're confident in your teaching and how you're handling my child, then it shouldn't be a problem when I go from the relaxed sweats and T-shirt look to the more serious khakis and button-down look and ask to observe class for a while.

4. TEACHER THINKS 3 yr-olds CAN BEHAVE WITH THE DISCIPLINE OF THE MARINE CORPS. Guess what? It might be somewhat difficult for a child to sit "Criss-cross-applesauce" for more than twenty-minutes. It's also not a given that a toddler is going to clean up just because you said it's time for recess. Finally, just because a child might speak like a young Barack or Michelle doesn't negate the fact that they're still just a kid.

3. EVERYTIME YOU GET A COMMUNICATION (E-MAIL, NOTE) FROM SCHOOL. YOUR CHILD IS CHARACTERIZED AS THE NEXT DENNIS THE MENACE. I know my child is not an angel. I remember all too well, what I was like at 7, so I can only imagine that what I'm seeing from Lil Man at 3 is vintage Carroll. Nevertheless I pay big money for my child to be taught, so in addition to hearing about what we need to work on at home, I should be hearing about how Lil Man can spell, identify colors, and count in English and Spanish. I shouldn't get that info from other parents who happen to visit the classroom.

2. YOU RECEIVE A CALL FROM SCHOOL ABOUT AN INCIDENT AND WHEN YOU ASK "WHAT HAPPENED?" THE RESPONSE IS: "WELL I DON'T HAVE ALL THE DETAILS".
Note to any preschool director or teacher, if you call me at work or at home to tell me that Lil Man ate glue, ran into a tree, or God forbid laid hands on someone, be prepared to give me the whole story. It's one thing to deal with your child when he hits someone for no reason it's a whole different ball of wax when he hits someone because a kid snatched a toy from him and then teased him about it.

1. WHEN ANYBODY ON CAMPUS WHO POSSESSES LESS THAN A Ph.D or ED.D in CHILD PSYCH OR DEVELOPMENT TRIES TO "DIAGNOSE" A 3 yr-old. Plain and simple, unless you've spent years studying cognitive psychology, I don't want to hear your armchair "evaluation" of my child based on one behavior incident when everything else about his demeanor indicates he's on a normal developmental path. What happens the next time? Ritalin prescription? As soon as this happens, just pack up your child's things and say goodbye.

Black History Month = Building Bridges For the Future

When February 1 rolls around every year, I have to chuckle at the clockwork-like precision with which the Black History-themed commercials and PSAs get rolled out by every network to make sure they have satisfied their "duty" to recognize the contributions that Black men and women have made to this country. While imperative to continue recognizing the contributions of all ethnic groups to the fabric of our culture, what is even more important is to promote the continued CONNECTION of youth to their cultural legacies. As I shook my head about the "missionaries" looking to "save" Haitian children by illegally taking them across the border, I couldn't help but think that we don't truly understand the value of this connection to our cultural legacies. Peep this example:

In sixth grade, my third grade teacher who was put in charge of the annual Black History Month assembly, asked me to portray Martin Luther "the" King by reading one his "Mountaintop" speech to the whole lower school. Given that the private school I attended K-8 was predominantly white, I was one of maybe five candidates for this job, and I can easily see where the skeptic says that selecting me to portray MLK could have soured me on my own identity as Black male. The counterargument being that placing the "burden" of portraying one of the most important leaders of our generation on me could have made me feel self-conscious, and isolated from my predominantly white peers. The opposite was in fact the case, as having to study the words of MLK gave me a greater understanding of the Civil Rights Movement, the man himself, and my connection to the continuring struggle for justice and equality. My outlook on being a Black male was enhanced by participating in the assembly and set a foundation to always cast off attempts to pidgeon-hole me into any type of categorical box. When we have that understanding of the richness of our past, it is then possible to branch out and make bridges with others. This is why not only is Black History month important, but also the contributions of all ethnic groups which call America home. Let each of us find ways to connect youth with a greater understanding of those who have toiled before them.

Random Musings

As I try to keep my nose to the grindstone transcribing interviews and writing papers worthy of publication, I've noticed a couple things recently. Now that I've been at home with Little Man and his runny nose for a few days, I've had a chance to piece some of my thoughts together.

OBAMA - The State of the Union Address gives us yet another example that our President is gifted with his rhetoric. We need to see, however, a change in his game plan when it comes to pushing policy. There's only so much extending of the olive branch across the ailse before you say F*&k it and get it done. You start to look like a clown when you keep trying to collaborate with folks who have no intention of helping you be as productive as you need to be to earn a second term.

GUN-TOTING WASHINGTON WIZARDS - I'm tired of athletes not recognizing the privilege they have earned to make millions playing a game, and the attitude of entitlement that seems to come with it. Should Arenas and Crittendon lose their ability to play in the league forever? No. I also hope that Gil's contract doesn't get voided, but if it does, I won't shed a tear for that stupidity, and I also won't need tissues if Crittendon is done in the league. Brother Sharpton is right in saying that letting these fools off easy is equivalent to saying we expect nothing more from Black athletes.

DIDDY GIVES SON A MAYBACH - It's well within his right to buy his son whatever he damn well pleases, but a $350k car with a driver? WTF does that teach the kid? If Diddy had to spend $350k, why not buy the kid some property, or make an investment that the kid will still be able to capitalize on when he's say 40. This is how you promote WEALTH. Hood-rich spending habits get you broke. Having the kid give a $10k check to Yele Haiti is nice, but how 'bout we spend $10k on the car, and send the kid TO Haiti with 350k in tow to renovate buildings so that they won't fold like envelopes the next time the earth shakes. Diddy's work ethic is the stuff of legend. He can't rob his son of developing a similar one by not having him EARN his Maybach.

JERSEY SHORE A CULTURAL "PHENOMENA" - At least you can say MTV is an equal opportunity employer when it comes to giving people the opportunity to totally denigrate themselves and their cultural legacies in front of MILLIONS. Proud Italian Americans now understand how many Blacks feel watching Flavor of Love, College Hill, or The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I have no time for any of that garbage.

Back to the grindstone...

Black Hollywood Taking Steps Backward

Was at Best Buy with Little Man. As I passed the racks of DVDs, I figured it couldn't hurt to see if there was anything new out that hadn't made the theatres featuring a cast with more than one Black person, or a story about Black people . For some reason, these movies hardly make it to the theatres these days. This is especially important to me as Little Man's ability to differentiate skin color and understand race increases. Amidst all the celebration of The Princess and the Frog and the first Black princess, overall there are fewer and fewer stories that feature black main characters, and even fewer that feature stories of Black life. One site I visited had the following as the Top 5 Black movies of 2009:

1. Precious
2. American Violet
3. Princess and the Frog
4. Black Dynamite
5. Good Hair

Of these five, American Violet only opened in 5 cities. Black Dynamite was also released on a limited basis. So even at the top of the list, very few Black movies are getting major releases and the opportunity to make money like the Disney-backed Princess.

ROOT OF THE PROBLEM: In order for most movies to make it to a theatrical release, they must be picked up for distribution by a major production company. The most famous example currently is Tyler's Perry's relationship with Lionsgate. Perry has made Lionsgate execs look like geniuses by being one of the most bankable moviemakers in Hollywood, and therefore he gets to keep making movies with them. Those not as famous as Perry, have to go the Film Festival route, and roll the dice that they may or may not get tapped by a production company for a theatrical release. American Violet was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films, Good Hair benefited from Chris Rock's relationship with HBO. Black Dynamite will be distributed by a relatively company, Apparition.

WHAT I WISH WOULD HAPPEN: There is a critical mass of Black leading ladies, men, and directors that have had a enough success where they can leverage their notoriety and resources to not only make, but distribute films that they want to make instead of hoping, praying and complaining that more suitable roles come their way. Mel Gibson did this when he made The Passion of the Christ, and he got to laugh all the way to the bank when the movie made almost $400 million domestically. It's hard to imagine that if Will Smith (who already has a production company, Overbrook Films, which produced ATL), Denzel (direted Antoine Fisher Story), and Chris Tucker (a reported $20 million per movie guy) got together, they couldn't produce a good story from some up and coming screenwriter with a tight script. But alas, the lightbulb has not quite gone on yet, so until it does, I'll continue to support the products of Code Black Entertainment, see what I can find at Film Festivals. If and when I happen upon one of said celebrities, I'll be sure to put the bug in their ear. There are too many talened Black actors, actresses, directors and writers out there for me, my family and the rest of the world to not know who they are and what they can do.

Souled Out on Fatherhood

Was listening to Hezekiah Walker's "Souled Out" in the car the other day, and after a weekend where I almost laid hands on Little Man, I realized how souled out I am on Fatherhood. Some notes from a young Dad.

1. When Little Man is on punishment. Dad is on punishment
When you tell the Little One that he can't watch TV for the rest of the evening that means I don't get to watch any TV because if I do, I'll hear this until it's time to go to bed "But why do you get to watch TV Daddy?". Now the lesson isn't being learned and I'm just getting more angry because the answer "Because I said so" isn't working. Better to just dig into my "To Read" pile and curl up with a blanket.

2. No Hip-Hop in the car...Yet
For now, a solid exposure to Earth, Wind, and Fire, Anita Baker, Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder will have to do. Can't have Little Man walking into day care singing "I'm in Miami trick!" or "Niggas compare me to Biggie and 'Pac already..." Needless to say that wouldn't be a good look. So we'll wait til he has a little more discretion before he gets his Hip Hop immersion.

3. No more sleeping in on Sundays
Train up a child in the way he should go, and he'll never depart from it. That means Dad and Mom can't be lazy on Sundays and skip church. The moral and spiritual compass is set early, and gets more rooted with consistency.

4. Hearing Little Man disrespect the Mrs. sends me over the edge
I don't consider myself a hot head by any stretch of the imagination, but when Little Man decides he wants to test boundaries and tell Mommy "NO!" or snatch his hand away, it takes all the WOOOO SAAHHHHs I have in me to keep from turning into the Incredible Hulk and catching a case. Little Man is only 3, so my logical mind eventually wins out and reminds me that he's still learning.

5. I'll change my career in a heartbeat to ensure Little Man gets the attention he
needs.
This is the most telling realization to me because I see and observe many parents who are able to do the bare minimum as parents in the name of being able to provide monetarily and materially anything a kid could ever want. That's not the model I have in mind. God forbid, Little Man should succumb to his genes and be swimmer. If it comes to pass, I'll sign him up with one of my coaching brethren and be at every meet. Times are too perilous for young Black men to be a part-time Dad.

No love for coaches

2010 has arrived, and I enter the new decade with some momentum. Dissertation data is collected, my family is healthy, the wife and I have projects percolatin'. December was busy, and I wanted to stop in and post, but just never found the time to sit down and organize my thoughts. Could be because headlines flew furiously as '09 went by the boards. It was hard to really get a chance to formulate a take on it all. The following were things I thought about engaging:

Tiger was pimpin..poorly. And what to think about his choice of side joints?

Oprah announced she's moving on in '11...Who's next? Will there be a next?

President Obama became a pinata after year one...Chile please

All this and a whole lot more made the headlines, but what has moved me to write at the onset of 2010 is COACHING. At it's most altruistic, it's a position where you are tasked to teach young people skills that they will use in the athletic arena, and later in life. At it's worst, it's a position where power is bestowed an abused while making gobs of money. Given that coaching is currently a major part of my livelihood, it boggles my mind how coaches on all levels, from pee wee to pro are being pushed farther and farther away from being teachers and mentors to simply being producers of "success", however that may be defined. I look at the situations of recently fired coaches like Mark Mangino and Mike Leech and can't help but think that continued winning would have kept any complaints from players, boosters, and admin under the rug. Mangino turned Kansas football from laughing stock to contender, and the minute he had one bad season, gone. Mike Leech made Lubbock a relevant city in football-rich Texas to rival Austin, College Station, and Houston. The minute he even considered leveraging his success into a better position, the witch hunt began, and now he's gone.

Sure coaches know what they are getting into when they sign the contracts, but it is still a surprise when success is met with a "What Have You Done for me Lately" attitude. I guess the sacrifice of health and family isn't enough. I see now why coaches with multiple championships (Phil Jackson, Joe Torre) leverage it to the hilt. There is no loyalty in the coaching game, and wins are the bottom line. If you happen to keep players out of trouble and instill a few life lessons, that's a bonus.

AI Grows Up

The holiday season has arrived, which in 2009 means a couple of things for me: It's time to start analyzing dissertation data, it's time to swim fast in the swimming pool, and the holiday gift list will be made with a greater consciousness of the economic times. The Philadelphia 76ers got one such gift last week when they worked out a deal for Allen Iverson to return to the team. No one energized the Philly sports scene in the last decade like AI did with the pinnacle being Game 1 of the 2001 NBA finals where he scored 48 pts. Philly embraced AI in good times and bad, so while it was not surprising to see him emotional at his "Welcome Back" press conference, the degree to which he allowed the public to see what he was feeling was captivating and inspiring. Too often the dominant narrative about athletes, particularly black ones is that they are lawless, defiant, and selfish/greedy. To a large extent Iverson fit this bill for the great majority of his career, but his Friday presser showed that there is complexity to the superstar athlete that cannot be discounted. Instead of talking about how he's the franchise player and minimizing the need for PRACTICE as he did in 2002, he talked about a connection to his fans and family. It shows how perspective is gained with time and we start to appreciate and cherish more than just the material trappings of life. The Iverson emotional display also shows that we can't snap to judgement based on the public presentation of the self that one gives us. I know this seems intuitive and cliche, but given the reaction to Tiger Woods behavior in the aftermath of his car accident and related allegations, we still have not figured that out as a culture. The story of Iverson can no longer be told simply as superstar gunner lead his team to the Finals, but hated practice and couldn't stay out of trouble with the law. His life has been and continues to be more complex than that. I respect him even more now than I did simply as a competitor for being willing to sit in front of the mic and reflect on his shortcomings.